What Love Can Do to People
by narratekate
Summary: This is a crack story! Zim and Dib are together and then Stan is all over Zim. :O but Kyle loves Stan! Kenny falls for Gaz who beats on him all the time. Zim gives Cartman an anal prob and it accidentally calls the Irken armada. OMG.


**:D new story! lol, it is meant to be really weird and cheesy so... yeah.**

Stan walked into the Hi Skool biology room and sat down. Following after him Kyle sat at his table. They chatted mindlessly, waiting for the teacher to come in. The room filled up quickly and it was loud and noisy.

"SILENCE!" Someone screeched. I looked to the front of the room and saw a very scary old lady wearing a black floor length dress. "I am your teacher, Ms. Bitters. Now GO TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM SO I CAN ASSIGN YOU YOUR SEATS OF DOOM!" She hissed loudly. Stan and Kyle scrambled to the back of the room along with the rest of the class.

"Jeezus, she's one freaky teacher." Kyle muttered to Stan.

"Tell me about it." Stan grumbled.

Ms. Bitters began pointing to seats and calling out names.

"Zim and Stan will be at this table." She said. Stan frowned that he wasn't sitting with one of his friends. He trudged to his new seat and sat down next to a green kid with black hair. It was love at first sight. When Stan looked at him a dreamy smile broke out on his face and he leaned on an elbow.

"CAN I HELP YOU FILTHY EARTH WORM?" The green boy shouted, creeped out by Stan's love-struck stare.

"Yes you can…" Stan said leaning forward. "My name is Stanley, how about you?" His voice was low and he was trying to be seductive. He was failing horribly.

"Erm… Zim?" He said unsurely, leaning away.

"Ahem." Said a deep male voice. Stan looked up into the face of an angry boy who was at least a foot taller than him. His hair was wild and he had one big scythe of hair coming out the middle. He had several piercings that made him look all the more threatening. His glasses reflected Stan's stunned expression as he glared down at him.

"That's MY boyfriend you're hitting on." He growled menacingly.

"Oh." Was all that Stan could say. He could easily see the muscles beneath the thick black trench coat that the boy was wearing.

"Dibbles! We don't sit together!" Whined Zim. 'Dibbles' face instantly turned soft when he looked affectionately towards his pouting boyfriend.

"I know, Zimmah. It's stupid, but at least we still have all our classes together." He frowned and leaned over to pat him on the head. Zim purred like a cat and flashed a wide smile at Dib revealing that his teeth were interlocked like a zipper.

Stan just sat there watching the display of affection, stewing in his own disappointment. _I'll make him see, I'll make him see that I'm a million times better than that over protective Dib guy. Yeah. _Stan thought. He moved his chair slightly closer to Zim's and leered at him. Zim leaned away with a "what the fuck is wrong with you?" look.

Kyle clenched his tiny hands into fists and glared at the back of the green boys head. _Why is Stan paying so much attention to him? What does he have that I don't? _Kyle slammed his hand down on the table and Cartman raised an eyebrow.

"Jeez Jew, pissed off much?" He said, the fat on his jaw wiggling.

"What's it to you, Fatass?" Kyle snarled back.

"Hey, hey. Chill. I was just asking." Cartman looked away. _I wonder why he's so flipping pissed. Probably cuz Stan is flirting with that green kid. I always knew Kyle had something for Stan. _He thought.

Stan gazed dazedly into his mushy food with a smile.

"What's up with you Stan?" Cartman asked. He already knew but he wanted to see if Stan would admit it, and therefore admit he was gay.

"Oh nothing…" Stan mumbled.

"Seriously dude?" Kenny said with a flip of his blonde hair. **(A/N Fan girl swoon :D) **"We're not that stupid, we can tell something is on your mind."

"I think I fell in love today." Stan looked up at Kenny and Cartman and they both broke in to laughter.

"Who the hell with?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah, who?" Kyle mumbled. "As if it wasn't obvious."

"Zim." The way Stan said his name it sounded like a caress. It made the other boys feel a little bit sick.

Kenny laughed to break the awkwardness. "Maybe you should go talk to him." He suggested.

"Yeah, except for the fact his boyfriend will probably beat me up." Stan muttered.

"I'll go with you." The orange parka-ed boy stood up and grabbed Stan's hand. He proceeded to drag Stan over to the table where Zim, Dib, and Gaz were sitting. He plopped down at the table happily.

"Mind if we sit with you?" All three people glared at him silently.

"I'll take that as a no, you don't mind." He was eternally cheerful. Stan sat down next to him slowly, unsure if this was the best of ideas.

"It should have been taken as a 'Yes, we do mind. We mind a whole lot'." The purple haired girl said.

Kenny looked up at her and his mind stuttered.

"Excuse me?" He said quietly, but not rudely.

"You heard me dumbass." Gaz said without looking up from her game.

Zim and Dib snickered at her meanness. Kenny's mind was faltering as he looked at her. Her long dark hair was an odd shade, but he could tell it was natural not dyed. Her black eyeliner enhanced just how black her eyes were and Kenny could sense the aura of death and doom around her, something that had always attracted Kenny after he had realized he could survive death.

"What game are you playing?" Kenny said when he realized that her attention was otherwise occupied.

She glanced up at him quickly with a look of curiosity. "Vampire Piggy Slayer 3." Her voice was completely flat as she looked back to her game. Everyone sat around the table in awkward silence as Kenny attempted to make conversation with Gaz.

"Erm… how about that crazy teacher, huh?" Stan asked Zim.

"Ms. Bitters?" Dib said and both Zim and Stan nodded. "She taught us in elementary Skool too. She's a creeper." Zim giggled and nuzzled Dib's shoulder affectionately. Dib smiled and pressed a kiss to his head. Stan frowned in jealousy.

"AHEM. So… has she always been this way?" Stan interrupted.

"As far as we know, she used to be a normal little girl and then something TERRIBLE happened." Zim said looking Stan dead in the eye.

"What was so TERRIBLE that made her that freakish?"

"No one knows…" Dib said quietly.

Stan nodded and looked over at Kenny who was flirting hopelessly with the scary, gothic girl.

"Who is she?" Stan asked.

"That's my sister, Gaz. You don't want to get on her bad side." Dib said, not really paying attention. He was petting Zim's head and Zim was purring again. _I didn't know people could purr… _Stan thought.

"So do you play videogames a lot?" Kenny said trying to get Gaz to pay attention to him.

"Almost all day." She said aimlessly._ I wonder when he'll give up just like the others. _Gaz thought.

"What do you do when you're not playing videogames?" Kenny was genuinely interested in Gaz. Usually he only wanted a girl for sex or something but she was different. He wanted to know why she seemed so dangerous, where the feeling that death was close came from when she was by him.

"I'm either eating or beating up my brother." Kenny actually laughed at this one. Sure, the little girl looked like she could fend for herself, but her saying that she beat on her six foot tall burly brother was defiantly laughable.

"You're telling me that he can't take you?" Kenny said, still laughing.

Gaz stiffened and paused her game. She didn't like it when people underestimated her. Standing to her full five foot two she glared at Kenny. Kenny immediately stopped laughing.

"I can take my brother down easily." She said, and she could. Dib may have been big and strong from years of hunting the paranormal but his little sister still knew his every weakness. "And I can take you down too." He voice was a demonic whisper.

"Oh really?" Kenny said. He wasn't afraid of this girl. He had endured so much pain and had looked death in the face countless times. What were a few hours in hell if she won? Maybe he could hook up with Damien while he was there. "Try me."

Gaz turned her head at Kenny's cocky expression. "Are you sure you don't wanna take that back." She smiled.

"Positive." Kenny's bright, baby blue eyes lit up with the challenge. Gaz snickered.

Pulling back her hand she punched Kenny in the stomach as hard as she could. Kenny gasped, not expecting it and his grin faded. He reached out to grab her collar but she just twisted his arm around till he was on his knees. He kicked her in the shins and she fell down.

"So you like it rough, huh?" She said, wiping her mouth. She pounced Kenny and straddled his back. He grunted and rolled over so that he had her in a head lock. Gaz sunk her teeth in to his arm and he cried out. She slammed her fist into his jaw and flipped him so that he was lying on his back. Standing quickly she put her foot on his chest and grinned.

"Jeez you're good." Kenny coughed rubbing his cheek.

Gaz smirked. "Thanks, you're not too bad either." She kicked him softly in the side before walking off.

Meanwhile Stan, Zim, and Dib had been watching in awe.

"Man you weren't kidding when you said you didn't want to get on her bad side." Stan said shaking his head and looking at Zim longingly, who had Dib's arm wrapped securely around him.

"She went easy on him." Dib muttered, turning his attention back to his trembling boyfriend.

Kenny sat up and watched after her.

"Wow… That is one amazing girl…" He said.

**I know. W.T.F.**


End file.
